Managing an anger person-
It's never fun to deal with an angry person, whether we're talking about
a hothead who's quick to anger or a chronically angry grouse. It particularly
difficult to act without an emotion, when you are handling a foolish Head.
On top of that unfortunately, none of the natural reactions that an
angry person inspires -- defensiveness, fear, or getting mad yourself -- tend
to be productive
I faced hard times in managing the angry person, but my experience
thought me few interesting facts which I collected over the time from management books and
websites from MSN, Google etc. They made me better equipped and helped me in various situations. I am sharing for benefit of all and these following tips can help you.
1.
Let the angry person know you understand that he's upset.
What this sounds like: "I understand that you're really angry right now that I missed our appointment." "Oh, wow, you seem really mad that the doctor's office never called back." "You're mad that I ate that last brownie -- is that it?"
What this sounds like: "I understand that you're really angry right now that I missed our appointment." "Oh, wow, you seem really mad that the doctor's office never called back." "You're mad that I ate that last brownie -- is that it?"
It's important to be specific, to hit home the
message to the other person that he or she is truly understood. Don't just say,
"I understand what you're saying."
Keep the focus on the other person's emotions.
Don't say, "I understand because I've been there, too." The upset
person doesn't care; in the heat of the moment, he feels like his experience is
unique.
Why it helps: The tactic known
as "reflective listening" or "active listening" is a basic
building block to all kinds of effective communication, says psychologist Steve
Sultanoff, an adjunct professor at Pepperdine University. Especially with
someone who's seething with anger, it's not enough for you to realize that he
or she is upset (which tends to be pretty obvious). You need to demonstrate
that realization to the upset person by saying so.
The effect of simply stating what's behind the
anger is like pouring cool water on a fire. "As humans, we have a tendency
to feel connected when another person gets us," Sultanoff says.
"Repeating back what you're hearing the angry person say is both connecting and calming."
2.
Solicit what the angry person wants from you.
What this sounds like: "What is it
you want or need right now?" "How can I help you?" "How do
you envision the outcome of this in terms of what I could do?"
Why it helps: Most anger develops
when the person perceives the world (or situation) as unfair, according to
Sultanoff. "Anger is generating energy to get the unfair thing
fixed," he says. Sometimes the anger stems from a perceived wrong: You or
someone else did (or is perceived as having done) something upsetting -- forgot
a birthday, broke a prized possession. Sometimes, though, the anger stems from
a bigger sense of being wronged -- the person lost a job, his or her partner
left, or he or she has a tough medical diagnosis, for example.
But nobody wants to listen to endless ranting. So
cut to the chase by moving the conversation (even if it's mostly one-sided
barking, so far) to a more proactive realm. Basically you're saying, in a nice
way, "So what do you want me to do about it?"
3.
Offer what help you can -- or say clearly what you can't do.
What this sounds like: This can take
several forms. You may be able to fill the desire: "Let me see if I can
call the doctor for you and find out what the delay is." You may hear that
an apology is desired, if you accept some fault for the situation: "I'm
sorry, I didn't realize the snack I ate was something you were saving for
yourself. Please accept my apology -- I'll buy you a replacement."
Or you may decide that it's not within your power
to help. If so, express that clearly: "I wish I could stay longer today to
help, but I can't." Or, "I know you're mad about being fired and want
your old job back, but I can't do anything about that. It is what it is."
Sometimes it's within your power to help, but you
choose not to -- that's setting a boundary, and it's perfectly OK. Express it
as a "can't" rather than a "don't want to": "I'm
sorry, I wish I could help you with that, but I can't today."
Why it helps: You want to keep
moving the situation along in a productive way. After the person expresses what
he or she wants, decide what, if anything, you're able do, and say so.